in.my.deprivation.of.him
i close my eyes and go back
to that magnet from another planet
who wrote me beautiful
metaphor'd mystic tea
that spiritual one I met he beyond galaxies
souls buttered without glimpse or glance
amazed by he and entranced by
in.sensed stance
intimates of our
big bang
theory
my cryptic formula never shook his stride
nor lied to his beaming.being.glide
but rather mired my seething
tried but
intuitively admired his gleaming
*breathing*
so I close my eyes
and rewind feelings
to the beginning
caught in that dreamaker
lost in his words and sounds (vol. 1)
cause I was that amplified soul sista
that never had to ask (to) justlisten
because we
were simply beautiful
even when sleep and uncovered in wonder
of the mutual intoxicated standard
reciprocity
synchronicity
serendipity
when I was afraid
didnt say
dont be
where was the need
so I close my eyes, see
like I did
belly to belly
heaven bound
remembering the sound
of his bliss
the trace of the rim of his lips
his inhale/exhale of his swish
the snow outside his window
my ear to his heart to my ear
the way mine/time stopped
my fear
secured in his old soul smart
his hat, his scarf
his smell that haunts
his soul that taunts
the shape and graze of his hands
that flaunt spectrums
his intense plans
when he left for work
and came back again
my hands
on his chest
our eyes on the others move.me(a)nt
the weight of his rest
upon my breast
our thoughts talking while mouths at rest
winter sold cookies and cereal
footage that be surreal
his tongue
his sum
his being
his seeing
me for my
selfworth
his swagger and traverse
kindling hershey kiss'd wrappers and copper
his bedroom sofa
palms on paper
our spoon
our swoon
transfixed.remixes
calling cards and near misses
hugs&morekisses
dismisses and revisits
the way
he let me have my way
within=with.him
I close my eyes
just to conjure
have&have.not
want&want.more
never&evermore
shot clocks & keeping score
my perpetual implore
caught in memories and amore
stored
away perhaps for other lifetimes
like the ones we've already left behind
in pastlives, this life
thinking one day Ill open my eyes
and
that feeeeeeeeling
will have declined
and subsided to- a manageable size
where I dont feel him gliding away
yet closer to God
like I did that day (and ever since)
when I closed my eyes
and lost every sense
lost all my pretense
lost in him and his suspense
I close my eyes
to scale down
the 5 senses into background sound
so that wherever in the universe
eye may look - he is found
quietly like he reads me
&weB
morse codes remixed djimbe.drum.beats
bodies that move sonically.simultaneous
regardless
of guarded, pass codes and permissions
denials, submissions and retired actions
when I close my eyes
we are still endless
like that first sight
on that first night
drowning out past, present and future
cause all.is.one
and cant be otherwise evermore
my eyelids sore
and so are my knees.torn
from begging&praying
virtually&spiritually
yet.deprived
cuz even my eyes
cant disguise
my lost without you
how does it feel
my manhandling dicipline
my there and back again
my talking smack track synapse
breastroked butterfly freestyled laps
runnin'.
track to playin'.
track candela black
fact and fiction
always fly diction and friction
have me comin'
back again&again&again
waiting for you to let me (back) in
but in the interim
eye just close my eyes again
dream.buffered.streamin
the most
beautiful...
...black man
(mbbm)
hidden
deprivation.
iBshe.still
