Them Men & Then Some
Well first thing, I almost shut this whole blog down the other day. I started feeling that it was just a lil bit too much TMI cataloged in cyberspace. Perhaps I was feeling a lil self conscious. Also, I just wasn't feeling the whole bloggin movement. Then on top of that I've been hating on "people" the past couple of days. No one in particular just was feeling that people absolutely SUCK! Can't say I feel more of the blogger, that I use to be, right now. But my grrrrl
Gentle talked some sense into me...AND...I got a new subscriber AND some inspration! Yeah all of my truest audience is worth the stay (wether you subscribe or not). I Lubba you Errrrrrrrrrrn!
So yeah, Errrrrrrrrrn is like my most favorite "whitebwoy". He got more soul than my shoes. Been knowing that crazy dude for 13+ years?! That right Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrn? My, not by choice, go between between my badass Bebe Daddi and moi. He gonna get a kick outta this post!
BLOG ODE TO THE MENS.
soundtrack is Common's "BE" and a bunch of E. Badu glazed with some Steely Dan. Damn skippy Steely Dan mofo.
Anywhoo let me start off with this link
TIRED BLACK MAN DOOOOOTTTTT COMYeah I was enlightened to this site by
The Most Beautiful BOOGIEMAN. Yeah, we had a whole IM convo bout it that I failed to save and use in this post cuz the electricity went out (how ironic) before I could save it (against the better judgment, while in convo, of my intuition). Twas his idea that I post about the subject matter. Asked him to email me the transcript, got a big fat PAUSE, which is not common of the
Most Beautiful BOOGIEMAN (hell remain as anonymous, he'll apprexiate that). Well anywhoo, when I was first clicked the link I couldn't watch the video with sound to hear wtf was going on. So I read some of the other material on the site and I dwnld'd the mini-short off the site, cuz I'm low budget like that. (See I gots high-speed at the plantation yet I have that ancient dial-up at the casa. I gotta finagle.) So after crackin' the fug up (at the plant no less) reading the pathetic and actually quite sad letter on the site weeks later did I remember and follow through with watching the movin pix. GAWD did that open up pandora's box!
So here we go....
Upon my initial viewing I found the theme, story, idea to be quite on point. Tired Blackman, yeah he should be tired and fed up just like the black women that yack, yack, yack and complain (I hope I'm not one of these!!!!!!) bout brothas. I felt there was a valid and concise point made and expressed. Then I watch it again! I actually began to seethe. not at the storyline but the backdrop, this irreconcilable point of problems within the "black" community. Then I started thinking (within my own biased frame of mind)..."So who what the white woman?" She was talking some, you want me to go get her. Yeah who was babygrrrl if she wasn't the new chick...I started to get angry myself. Got angry with the "You gotta man" questioning of the "angry" crew. Cause for the life of me I felt there was an ever so slight argument with the ladies. Then I caught another vapor...I listened to Dude again. I've done this, this and that only to come home to an angry house (to paraphrase). I started feeling his plight again..."Have you ever known me to...and I bought this house, yo' car ETC. (paraphrasing again) Then I was like, this man done poured some everything kinda motivation into Sis, and she's just clique gang bangin the efforts, for a length of time at that. AND THEN I REALLY GOT FRUSTRATED. I WISH that a brotha (generally speaking) could come back with the type of verbal clarification that Dude in the flick did. Yeah, I gave you erre ting and you shit on it! So step off whatever it is that I do, cause you've had your chance. See the type of Blackman those women were bitchin and moaning about wasn't that man that came to the door to get his kid. The low down durrrty summumuh biaches that were the target got clumped into a good mans experience. Yes, Boogieman, point taken. I can get pissed and identify with justification those females were spewing off like Mt. St. Helens. BUT, and you know there is a BUT, this cannot be used as a source of information for those blackmen that have NOT given their all completely as a mode of defense of their aloof and half ass behavior. Gawd knows if my Bebe Daddi saw this I would hear soliloquy's for days telling me to $pay$ attention *rollin eyes*. For this to be randomly and carelessly used by a Blackman to justify a reason for running to a white woman instead of putting up with a blackwoman in an intimate relationship is haphazard and all to common! Especially when your've put forth 1/3rd the effort presented in this mini-movie. The root of the problem (as I told the boogieman) is that the issue with relationships between black men and black women is a whole lotta finger pointing and no self realized responsibility put forth solely into a resolution of the matter. Resulting in a whole lotta bitching and moaning on both ends. That in itself is soooooo tired.
Yes, however the degree I've done my angry-at-the-blackman bit (however concentrated towards an individual on a number of occasions both within and outside of my family at that), I've always believed in the beauty and goodness (or capability of that and more) of Black men. So much so, that I have consciously over the years chosen to only date and enter into relationships with my cherished black men...to the death of some of the more sensitive, innocent and naiveté parts of my heart. Thats how I was raised by my family and community, I guess. I've done so, willingly and adoringly, seeking that perfection I
think I see. So this perspective (in this tiredblackman mini-flick) is type abrasive however subjectively true very well may be. It's somewhat salt in an old, deep communal wound.
AND THEN I WATCHED IT AGAIN!
And who had a man? A sis with a "white" boyfriend or whatever. That made me think. Not bout vengeful multi-race dating. BUT, I had to think for a second, since the focus was some bitching and moaning about a successful black man possibly dating a white woman. Now, mind you, ask those closest to me, black men and white women have been a serious pet peeve of mine for hella long. Watching black sportsmen, actors and the like selectively date within a certain ethnic group (to put it nicely) PISSED ME TO NO END! Once upon a time. The event could put me in a place of serious hostility where as when I've ever seen a black man walk down the skreet with a white woman I was the one scowling and grunting noticably. Especially having been cheated on with a white woman as the other woman. YES, I admit I've been on some SUPA PREJUDICE SHIT! Mind you, my daughters grandmother is a white woman from England (this furthered my hostility on the subject matter for reasons I'm not even gonna begin to get into on a blog!!!) But yeah the one Sis with a man, was with a white man. What did this say to me?
Another point of misunderstanding of my own has been these racial blinders I myself have carried around MY WHOLE LIFE. Exclusively dating and getting into unhealthy and illmatic intimate relationships (of whatever kind) with the TIRED BLACK MAN! Yeah I'm tired too and yet that never diluted my love for my brothers (where maybe it should have)...but I think now that was a blind and ignorant decision based on a bullshit premise/foundation I can no longer justify and uphold. I allowed my experiences with black men that are tired weigh heavy on my heart but not heavy enough to open my mind and close my eyes.
So what did I learn from the TIRED BLACK MAN....CLOSE YOUR EYES AFENI. Love can be as blind as Hellen Keller, the truth IS blind yet sees through a third eye, Errrrrn taught me this and I didn't even know. A white boy I would die for who (even though he'll never tell me) LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM AND GOT MY BACK ANY DAY WITHOUT QUESTION. He has treated me as much for years with more dignity, respect and concern then some of the "brothers" I would readily throw my heart at. He's done so simply as my friend. All the white men I've met over the years and really had a prejudice for, taught me different than that prejudgement I brought to them, a noticable percentage at lease!
I started this epiphany last year without knowing it while dating a Philippino mister who made me some bangin' sushi every week. No, that didn't pan out but I saw a beauty not only in his person but his hands as well, I remember quite clearly. I remember observing my biasness cause he wasn't a "brotha". I remember overlooking my habit of being prejudice even if it was momentarily.
So as brothaman says If I get something good outta it who cares what kinda person I'm with (to paraphrase). Oh yes, THANK YOU BOOGIE MAN. You were on point with this one.
No, there aint no exclusive love reserved for blackmen (especially not the ones that sleep). Latino, White, Asian, Indian, whoever, step to me on that fly intoxicating *ish that has no color, and you get some airtime. Fuggg this obligation to my race I've carried like a bag, more like luggage. What E. Badu say, [tired black man]..."CALLLL TYRONE" ooops wrong song..."Bag Lady you gon' miss yo' bus. You can't hurry up, you got too much stuff...when they see you coming N199@z take off runnin, from you, from yooooou, Yes they Dooooooooooo." Maybe both those song lyrics are my point of contention.
WATCH cuz I'm droppin this big ol' bag right hurre! Perhaps on some toes.
Know I still believe there are some beautiful brotha's out there. I know quite a few actually. I just gotta switch up the program. This is my year of reinvention. Why not change some ideas in the process.
gottabustocatch.
