Strange Bird Am I
"All influence is immoral - immoral from the scientific point of view.
Why? Because to influence a person is to give him one's own soul.
He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions.
His virtues are not real to him.
His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed.
He becomes an echo of someone else's music,
an actor of a part that has not been written for him.
The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly
- that is what each of us is here for." ~ Oscar Wilde A Picture of Dorian GrayI was rapping with my sistah friend this evening and along the path of our conversation, learning more about how similar and different we are in comparison with one another, this popped up in my mind.
I am a funny bird. I feel on the inside how strange a flamingo looks on the outside (relatively speaking to other bird species). Bright and colorful, yet with a bent mouth, leaning on one leg. How I do things and opperate in the world never seems to catch my attention as I spiritually capoiera my way through life. I hadn't thought about some of my second nature instincts and behaviors from a distance in some time. Like cussing out people that are just pushing my tolerance or invading my space, beit personal or my perception of such. So, talking to my sistah friend I realized some things about myself that may be strange, may be not so nice, may be obnoxious, may be a lot of verious thing to others, definately outside of the norm (whatever that is?!). To me, well I could give a fuggggg. I thought about why. I've been judged and isolated as a kid amongst my peers. By high school I had it down and prefered my shit kickin boots and a lone style steelo. Since then it hasn't changed much, maybe on an occasional year. Yeah, peoples opinions from time to time, strike me as important, especially those that are in a positive light. I'm human, what can I say and on occasion solicit positive feedback (or critique of my methods, processes or maybe the final products of such) just like everybody else. If I didn't I wouldn't have a comment section would I? Not always, but I do. Really though, I've never stepped back and took a look at why I really don't care what people think. More like why what people think hold little weight more often than not in how I present myself to the world. I care about the feelings of others, I do, but as to me being born into a new day, everyday, I find that a path I travel alone, on my terms, by my choice. And what ends up mattering the most is how I feel about myself, minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day. How do they say - true to self. Does not the quote above explain that? My nature is as odd as David Bowie's one blue, one brown eyes and makes about as much sense. A little off, maybe expressive and possibly 'opinionated', but you can't help to look. If I can maintain that, I'm doing my muthafuckin job.
iamibe.
