Time Magnetic, Ma (B)Earth Day
this post was all friggin day in the making.FIRST
I wanna give a great big shout out to my northern star (you know that star that help travelers find their way)...
GENTLE AURA. She revived my day, my year...and resuscitated ME...with her mind and heart, let alone reflection of who I am. I never asked for such...compadre, breath of the vital oxygen. You shine so bright sis I can help but to have a residual glow, betta yet a tan. My Sagittarius sistah, days are half assed without hearing ya beacon signal like a bouy at sea, in my ears, upon my eyes. Heaven's lost without "U", and gained 4 having ya. Thank you soooooooo much for sharing with me. In this moment, you are reciprocity.
Next shout out goes to Nappy. Man, I have no words for the affinity I have for you. You always seem to leave me speechless. So transcending time and space I continuously send you all that I am. Thank you sooooooo much for all that you are, continue to be and share with me. Heaven is lost with without you too, gained 4 having you. You too are reciprocity.
My greatest gift today are my friends! You all have been in front of me all the time. It isn't the
WISHLIST (<---click my shameless plug), the things, it all of YOU. Mentioned, unmentioned, distant, sporadic, quiet, new, old, badass'd, angelic, however y'all manifest your presence in my life. Pieces of my heart all over the place, yet always in front of my face. I am sooo bless'd to have you all
((((((((((((((MUAH!))))))))))))))))
Now lets get to the meat. "...and so it goes."
Yesterday was such an emotional rollercoaster. The eve of my (B)Earth-day, born day, hell day (so I presumed). I've been doing so well recuperating 'n shit, that yesterday (shit the past 3 months) was a str8 shocker. It all came up. All the mental stuff I have been pushing out of the way to get ma body right.
The first 1/3rd of the yesterday was spent contemplating and revisiting "the most beautiful boogie man." The deeper that went, the more I fell into the abyss. I was feelin' this whole year, many years at that. Feeling my mortality. Feelin' my battles and losses. I guess feeling life.
anywhoo....
I slept late today. Ate some cheeze cake. Talk to my favorite cuz who's home from Iraq for good! Took a couple of pix. Talked to my Grand-Aunt, whom after all these years told me that my (B)Earth day is shared with my great grandmother. WOW! Talked to my north star. Talked to my southern jet stream who keeps me in warmth, Eli. Then the mercury in retrograde kicks in...no internet. Fuggin A!!! But, I couldn't even trip...I'm sitting here typing this post in the meantime bumpin’ all the audio bliss from my potnas.
This year is especially poignant. In a lot of respects I'm not where I could be in the scheme of life. What I didn't realize is that works 2 ways, both good and bad.
For the bad, I'm still fighting for my successes on a material level. Still struggling to get that parchment aka degree. Livin' in SW bubblefuck - city grrrl in a c(o)untry world. Living with my parents and not on my own. Making sense of the sacrifice of my fertility in exchange for life itself. Limited in areas by my health. NO FUGGIN HIGH SPEED CONNECT. That’s just a few of the things I could list. I'll stop there, why bother affirming the yack.
For the good, most importantly, I could be still in the midst of war within my body with a full fledged battle against cancer. My diagnosis could have been terminal. I could have lost someone beloved to me. I could have lost my tenacity, hope and positivism (however weak it is at times). I still have talents to pimp. I gots a beautiful daughter, an awesome mother and a bunch of people that truly love me.
"I may not have a lot, but what I got, I got a lot of!"
~Azali
Shit I'd say I livin'!
Today is a beautifully sunny day.
My ultimate highlights were, mail, an email from my sister, a (B)Earthday shout out from my 5 yr old niece, calls from my friends, parlezin with my cousins. *big cheezin*
Wonderful day for a (B)Earth day.
givingthanks.
