Whew, Therapy!?
I str8 bootlegged this from
Lisa<----click that, with no shame. I told her I was gonna. I felt the need to copy the post subject and actually happily so. It's been a good mode to vent from. Lawd knows I'm not fornicating, so I mind as well yack it up to improvise. Thanks
Lisa!(<---click her name gatdamnit, you know you wanna be in the know). Thanks sis for reviving a wholesome therapudic rambunctiousness. If you ain't knew I get way too hostile for even my foul mouth tendencies. ANYWAY, "and so it goes."
How it goes is basically you address 11 people in your life and tell them something that you might not otherwise say to their face (note: I don't say ish I won't say to ya face). Your not suppose to name names. Ok readers, welcome to an honest piece of me.
1.
You know I can’t stand your essence at this point. It could be a whole different story between us if you had the courage to admit your self-serving ways and convenient attitude towards the most neglected aspect of your life. I thank you for the one blessing you’ve given me and really for the absence of your vexatious aura. You inspire me to succeed purely out of spite. You made me tougher in spite of myself and things in life don’t hurt me as much as they could have. I’m sure you never loved me and recognize your too much of a coward to admit it. Your not a man, maybe a manchild. I wish I never gave you my youth. Don’t ever try to talk to me until you can step to me, one on one, with an ounce of sincerity, humility, graciousness, honesty, minus your twisted self-righteous reasoning and finger-pointing. Have the heart to want to resolve our interactions. Honestly I wish we could be friends, but I won’t crucify myself to get that. Though I doubt it, maybe we can forgive each other one day and hell won’t freeze over before then.
2.
You are my heart and I know I love you more then I can acknowledge. Magically you’ve always been there for me especially when I needed you and you didn’t know that I did (I didn’t either for that matter). You’ve always given without needing. You’ve shared and shown and built with me so much that I’ll always be in debt to you for the effort. Your honesty has been a standard for years and your sensitivity, understanding and general sweetness has no comparison in the masculine world. In a safe way, without being stingy with yourself, you’ve managed to spare me of your shortcomings and simultaneously let me see them. Awesome! You are a patternmaster in your own right. Thanks for rarely leaving me out of the loop and for loving me more than I could view. Death couldn’t even separate us! You keep me believing in the beauty of men. When I think of moving to a more hands on place with you (nahmean?) or crossing that line it scares me. I could loose you and all we have would go to shit. Your such a blessing! How could I possibly bless you back?
3.
If I never see you janky “sloppy” ass again it would be too soon. I gave you way more credit than you ever deserved. You’re a chronic liar and a habitual thief. With your polluted spirit you will always be paying karmic debts (you think that eff'd up ish served to you was chance or someone elses eternal trash, ha). Your gossip and ranting to others that which you don’t have the courage to say to someone’s face is some punk ish. You speak of others telling or not telling the truth only because you expect others to deceive and lie on the atmospheric level that you do. Oh, ain’t it ironic how your're related to my #1 sack of ape ish? No, it’s actually logic. You respect nothing, especially not yourself. It disgusts me to think you were anything of substance and meant anything to me. All the tarot cards, altars, feathers in your hair, flippant fuss out ya mouth, voodoo/mojo, candles and spiritual toys won’t save you from yourself. Your nothing but hype…Poof!
4.
I miss you soooooooooooooooooo much you have no idea, no one knows. I resent that you have done things that prevent you from presently being in the lives of those that love and need you most. I admire your resiliency and resourcefulness. Though you are much younger, I want to be like you in many ways (not all). I hope you will get over your one flaw…your materialism. How were you able to be materialistic and not selfish I’m still trying to understand. I hope you’ve paid enough to know that quality is not becoming of you. I wish you knew how struggle, humility and simplicity made us the spirits we are, especially how it kept our condensed family close in whatever way. I hope you are finding the deeper you that you’ve wanted to know but ignored for so long. I hope you know I love you with all my heart and soul, infinity to the tenth power x’s all the stars.
5.
Unfortunately, I expected too much from you. I think it’s sad that you couldn’t handle some of the rough edges that accompany being some ones friend. Too bad you didn't have the capacity to acknowledge my feelings without being an utter asshole (by nature?). The kinetics we shared at the time were unprecedented, even still in some ways, however much by chance. I miss our mind to mind communications. They dissipated a long time ago within a magic moment that neither one of us knew how to handle as far as the other was concerned. You should know that the image you portray is not what’s really there, as I’ve come to see. This façade on showcase only hurts you. One day I hope you can find the trust show people the real you, rather than what you want them to see, when you want them to see it. Maybe, eventually you’ll give someone the opportunity to appreciate you for what’s good AND what’s not so good. I pray real-time out rules you imagination. Sorry I didn’t want to exist there in your frontal lobes. Your right, it was a unique encounter, but true, it’s a wrap. Damn, why did it take me so long to agree with your reactionary hostility? For a time I had your intangible gifts as ammunition to overlook the hard facts. Regardless, I’ll try to always remember the beautiful beginning, like that’s all that ever happened. Thank you for the affirmations and lifes half hour of airtime. Blah.
6.
As special as you are to me it’s depressing to see how our longtime friendship has been on a decline. No, I don’t think it will stay that way. It’s hurtful to speculate why and not understand how it became this way. Sometimes it feels like things are becoming more lopsided as time goes on…maybe I’m trippin’. You always want to talk about yourself more these days. You don’t have the time to listen that much anymore. Maybe you don’t care. Maybe your sick of ish. I love you and want to see you manifest inside and out as the person you want to be even though it seems more and more likely that I won’t be a part of that process in many ways. I don’t like it when we fight, we didn’t do that for almost 10 years. You’re an awesome sistah, I wish there were more on earth like you. I ain’t skerr’d of you, really I’m not.
7.
I want to have the capacity to be sorry for how ish went down, but I’m not really sorry. I am amazed how your cleverly constructed words and steelow misguided me from seeing what you really were before I got stuck in the muck. You’re more of a saucee country boi than I’ll ever admit. I’ll still miss watching basketball games, trading music, building, watching you at your craft, lunch excursions and your smile. Too bad I couldn’t keep it simple. I hate it that we can’t even talk anymore. But I don’t miss the gossip, chaos and secretive interactions. See ya at the top, twas fun.
8.
Wow. I am amazed at how much I’ve loved you and in some respects still do. You were a risk worth taking and a catalyst to me clearing out a lot of foul ish that had jinxed me for far too long. Still, I think you are quite immature and in a complex way, quite deceptive however I'm sure with reasons. You front on how you feel far too well. I wish you could observe how your resentment builds up and reeks havoc. Watch your patterns nuka. If only you were conservative with your kindness, you wouldn’t feel bad when it becomes an addiction to someone and you gotta get away because of the Frankienstein you made. You’re a supadupa pervert, but you know that already, not the concequences. I love your stink.
9.
You’re my favorite white Jew boy in the world! You should be on medication or in therapy though. Thank God your on my team cause I do think your utterly psycho. We should never talk about politrix nor religion, that has worked beautifully for our more than a decade friendship. You really, really, really need to get laid dude! No, I don’t hate all white people because of knowing and loving your cragguh ass. According to how I see it you’re affluent and spoiled, no matter what you say. I’m surprised you haven’t tried to cut me for spazing on you when I have (don’t do some crazy ish to me after reading this – I’m really scarred of you). Thanks for lovin' me regardless man. Even though you’re a walking encyclopedia, you DON’T know every gatdamn thing (sorry to break it to you). You should give people the chance to really know you jackass. I would probably force (lol) you to marry me if I could get past the pink pinky…lmao TMI.*chuckling*
10.
I'm glad that what you’ve done to other women finally came back to get you the best way it possibly could, good for you. Maybe now you’ll see your ways. I don’t believe a thing you said to me last year. I tried everyway possible to be friends with you. With the best intentions I even compromised my heart and buried deeper feelings. I can’t believe you married that bitch in my face, literally. I can’t believe I even went to your shotgun, bullshit wedding. I’m glad she left your shallow ass. You really though you would be good enough? Why didn’t you think you were better? You get what you deserve. I use to look up to your successes (or what I thought was your success). But now all I see is your shortcomings and energy vampirism. You no longer impress me in anyway. I use to regret not choosing you first and how that effected you. Now I see it is how it should have been all along. I’ll miss you occasionally but it’s me now that can’t be bothered.
11.
You are the most beautiful thing/person I’ve ever seen or experienced in all my life. I wish I could be you, some days/sometimes. I sweat buckets for your innocence, youth, and sheer beauty. You were the first person that made and showed me how to be a woman, the first that showed me what love had and has the capacity to be. You saved my life and spirit in so many ways, so many times. I’d go through it all (even the strife) again for you to be here, willingly, and selflessly. You showed me, however inadvertently, courage, compromise and the adventurous opportunity of adversity. I was lost without you, now I’m just a little confused here and there. Life would not be, without you. I’ve always owed you life and I'm trying to pay my debt.
Whoa, did I need that or what?
EDIT: Dang I be feeling it sometimes. Some of this ish is just plain ol' mean however honest.
I hope one day to get to a place where I don't feel this incesant urge to lash out and harbor the residue of the ill treatment of others upon me. God help me grow which ever the process and path.
Sho nuf!
TMI, I'm sure but hey, EFF it.
let go and let live, right?
Shouting out Bagdad, Iraq...i c u.
whoisyou.
