Momentary Meltdown
Ahhhhh where does it begin cause I know where it ended. So I have had the undertoe of just yuck static thats been rubbin my aura the wrong effin way. I think it's the lingering anticipation that I'll be moving in the next couple of weeks. As all that have known me for sometime know, I've been a friggin nomad. Even motherhood hadn't slowed down that itch to be the eff out whenever I wanted or needed too. But over the past 1 1/2 yrs I've gotten quite comfortable in my cave here in the swamp. My corner is hotter than a bodega stationed on a pharmaceutical bushwick corner. But see these pricks totally invade my space (ear-wise and personal) on a daily basis. But despite the thick of my block it has been my lil' h(e)aven right round the corner from my Ma Dukes (my bestest and closest friend). So despite the fact that these dumb thug minded mental midgets mind as well have a cot on my porch, and this twisted and ass backwards environment I live in stays trying to boggle me soul, I've made myself quite content by counter acting all the enviornmental yuck with trips to put libations in the ocean and clear my mind, and sitting over coffee on my momz porch listening to the breeze tickle the spanish moss.
But no it was inevitable to have a meltdown. I mean boo-hoo the fuse done blew. So I go to get my car rhet to sell (which has got me on irritated cause I could use the funds and my car aint really what I'm gonna be needing to live in the stix) and I go around the corner to do so and after washing, vacuuming and preping the whip ma dukes who has also been on edge as of late decided to act it out. So I blew her joint back to me casa to do my never ending work on my lil biz that has also been on stuck. It was like life decided it was time to strike. So I walk the less then a block home to see all the street urchins on the block, noisy as usual, loitering in the middle of the street (i shit you not, literally smack dab in the middle of the street hustling). I'm noided as I walk up to my crib and WTF do I find? My cable wire that goes from my house to the pole across the skreet is all over the sidewalk in front of my house. Like all 20+ feet of it. AWWWW HELL NAW! No boob tube and even more distressing NO FUCKIN INTERNET! Of course I SPAZED (of which I'm famous for doing quite professionally). I start asking the punks out in the street WTF happened to my wire. And Fat Boi (a kid I've found sleeping in my car before who post so hard he's more permanent then the street sign that says "STOP" in front of my front door)..Well this jackass is like "I just got out here Ms. Fay. I didn't see nufin. You know I wouldn't let nobody do nufin to your spot Miss Fay." (Mind you they all call me Miss Fay cause I stay coming out my house verbally wildin on these fools) And he says all this as he's walking to the other fools playing 4,5,6 in my neighbors backyard. Yes, yes yall SHEER GHETTO. Now I saw all these pricks out when I left and 3 hrs later they were all still posted. And though they been on my block all fuckin day they don't know, ain't seen shit!
I cuss'd everyone in sight out and stormed back to mothers and proceeded to MELTED DOWN. I'm so sick of this cartoon of a atmosphere I'm living in I could bare no mas. Nevertheless come 5pm I'm working so hard at staying of edge cause I'm fasting. So by then I'm hongry and so thoroughly agitated I should have broke out in hives. But I managed to simma down and called the cable company and they said 24 hrs to get the ish fixed. Fine.
So I broke fast, watched Bowling for Columbine and retreated back to my den. I crawled into the bed with me youngin (of which I do on occasion when the world get too blasphemous) and l fell asleep reading a book for a change rather than pinging away on the puter or obsessing over the twisted news. No sports or IM's for me last night, which I've figured it out of control as far as my reaction to gettin blasted into the stone age. But the book I retreated to was one I've been fronting on completing.
The Alchemist ~P. Coelho Here are some excerpts that spoke to me yesterday;
"I finally have enough money, And all the time I need.
~The closer one gets to realizing his destiny, the more that destiny becomes his true reason for being..."
There are others but I ain't goin there right now. But anyway between picking up the book and jumpstarting my day today I had some resolution seep into me like I had no clue were things that needed some attention. A lead rope out of the mire so to speak.
In spite of my self I can again identify some place of balance. And I sold my whip today. Which means some funds and one less thing I gotta stress before I B-I-D-D-O-U-N-C-E. And I got a new whip lined up which will have me troopin' lovely once I hit the northeast, definate upgrade on the mobility.
So all can end well that starts wacked.
circutbreakarewired.
