Can't Eat My Soul To Fill My Belly.
I've made about 3 post in less than 24 hours. Sincere your right I've had a lot on my mind. I need to pick the book I've been reading
Don't Sweat The Small Stuff Because stuff has been bothering me. I've been letting people get under my skin. The state of the world has been subtly traumatizing me and leaching me of my positive light.
I found a position I wanted today. Really bad. I started getting paranoid and self conscious of all the left wing thinking I do aloud on my blog. I began to think that it would be in my best interest to censor myself...censor my "voice". All for a new gig. So within the course of today I had taken all my archives and blog stuff down. I was going to leave you all a dear john letter or post some half @$$ excuse to why I was silencing this blog. Something went wrong when I went to post my "Blog Under Construction" post. The archives were still there. DAMN! Then I noticed that on Google they have all my soapbox fervor cached...which means no matter what I try to erase...it's there and there isn't anything I could do about it. Then I said to myself "I'll just send this resume from one of my simple public e-mail accounts and not imply anything about my site. So I'm looking at these post that wouldn't go away and I see 4 comments to today's blog. WOW! I started to read
Omi's comments and
Sincere's comments. Then I said to myself.
AFENI, ARE YOU LOOSING YOUR MIND!!!!!
Your gonna sell your soul to fill your belly? That move to censor myself would cancel out everything I say here. It would make me like the very people that frown upon. Everything I believe would amount to something conveniently displayed instead of heart felt. And I kept thinking. I thought to myself that what I write is honest. How many people are honest anymore. Though I fly off the deep end at times and take a hard angle I have a right to my prejudices just as the world has the right to have them against me. And I thought in between the salty days are some beautiful revelations I try to share...that I was just gonna erase. *shaking my head*
*SLAP*
Bad girl Afeni.
Repeat after me...
I will be true to myself!
I will be true to myself!
I will be true to myself!
I will be true to myself!
So I thank all of you thoughtful people. That give me a gauge to go by and help me remember my "voice". Y'all that disagree with me and offer me more knowledge and more wisdom. All of you that live this same struggle and still do not succumb to the common path.
And NO I'm not taking anthing down. Whomever likes me or hires me or whatever, they are gonna do it cause I'M REAL! Im a real person with real feelings and convictions, with real prejudices anf tantrums, with ephiphanies and talents. And deep down I know I'm a good person regardless of who reflects the quality or not.
I respect myself.
sobeit.
